(Originally wrote on 19/08/18)
(I can’t remember why I deleted this. I don’t think I was happy with the end. But reading back – I don’t even feel like I wrote this. Im proud of it.)
BLESS MY SOUL, EMILY WAS ON A ROLE.
Can you not tell I am a Disney fan yet kids? Check the dates posted/originally wrote on date and all will become clear.
This might be trash but I just wanna write right now, don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Forewarning, I have no plan so if this is utter shit don’t actually blame me, blame the fact that I usually have like a loose plan cause I’m an organised person and for once I just went fuck it.
Extracts from stories I will never write – the tumblr white girl strikes again
The first thing I remember is my nose burning. The easiest way to explain it is that the sensation imitated when fizzy pop goes up your nose. I wanted to rip whatever was making me feel like this away, but there was an obvious disconnect between my body and brain. I mean, I could still feel my body – most of it. Just instead of it feeling like it usually would, it felt tingley, or like I had been in the same position for an extended period of time. That was the second thing I noticed. The disconnect.
Third thing you may ask? The sounds. Or should I say lack of. I have often heard people say ‘the silence was deafening’ and I never really understood what that meant until now. I never knew what it was like for it to be so quiet, all I could hear was me. My shallow breathing that made my chest heave up and then down. My blood passing through my body and gurgling in my ears, and my heartbeat which made the gurgling possible pounding in my chest. There was a distinct noise I couldn’t quite identify. I immediately knew it wasn’t me. The bodily disconnect I was experiencing meant that it took a second for me to recognise that it wasn’t human. It was machine.
White. Everything was white, only for a minute. Then, all different colours appeared, like when you rub your eyes too hard. Several shades of blue, green and pink faded until everything became clearer. I noticed I was directly below a light which almost definitely did not help with the whole eyesight thing. Everything smelt sterile and appearance matched, white, no maybe cream. An empty chair was next to me, with an off-brown colour as the arms and frame, and a green seat that had a small rip on the left corner at the back. Once my eyes followed what was next to the chair, I realised what machine was making the noise. I knew I recognised it because I had been here before.
The machine monitoring my pulse. “Slow, but steady.” I murmured, realising that it was probably better than it once was. I followed the wired that came out of the machine. One was attached to my finger, obviously for my pulse. The other wire, which was attached to a bag hanging at the top of the machine managed to find it’s way into my arm.
Great, a drip. The thought of the needle inching into me and not being able to remove it made me feel sick.
I tried to turn away. Focus on what was actually being pumped into me. Maybe it was just a standard IV. That was highly unlikely though, given how groggy and irregular I was feeling. I followed my arm down to where it was resting. Three hospital bands was nothing new. One for allergies, one for my admittance into A&E and the other for admittance to a ward. What was below it was far from normal though.
My wrist was handcuffed to the bed, with a sign attached saying “DO NOT REMOVE, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, NO MATTER HOW STABLE SHE APPEARS.”.